The curse of assumption
Underestimating someone is easy. It's the vulnerability that's hard.
Where does assumption come from?
It looks a lot like a process of:
Measuring yourself against the person in front of you
Deciding that’s somehow they are deficient
Closing the door on information that’ll refute it
Storing that impression in amber
And it’s such an easy trap to fall into.
We can always find the proof that backs our story because we mine the information available for the facts that fit. Like someone trying to prove a point with a search engine, we dig until we find the validation to depersonalise and detach. We find validity in our pruned information. And we keep choosing sources that reaffirm our initial assumptions. Especially if as the gap grows between this carefully curated narrative starts to show a few deep and enduring missteps.
It’s beautifully cyclical and self-serving when you think about it.
The more you choose to edit, the more your picture becomes complete. And the more the assumption is fed and grows.
Underestimating people is easy
Essentially, you create a hypothesis and cram the person in.
When you choose to underestimate someone, you can:
Overinvest in a first impression
Accumulate proof you’re assumption is correct.
Lean in on stereotypes or weave smaller assumptions into the tapestry.
Build another step on the social hierarchy to raise you up.
Allow small focusses to overshadow whole pictures.
Place value on what you possess and they do not.
Add a spritz of other people’s experiences.
Bake yourself a leave pass.
Justify infantalising them further.
View that infantalisation as further proof management is required.
Take their humility or silence as agreement or further proof they are too <insert comforting adjective> here.
Breaking assumption’s curse
To break away from assumption, we have to:
Acknowledge our own hubris
Look deeply at where the assumptions came from
Get rid of the ladder we use to be on high
Dig through the dirt of intellectual arrogance and moral superiority
Accept that it’s grime has obscured our view
Have a hard talk with our internalised bias
Stare at our feet at the corner of Dunning and Kruger
Accept ableism, ageism, racism, homphobia, and classism may be at play
Drink deeply from our own bitterness and insecurity
Decide not to spit the next mouthful of bile
Get uncomfortable enough with mess, a lack of perfection, and nuance
Cultivate curiosity
Wince a little
Choose compassion
Embrace empathy
Be brave enough to be vulnerable
Don’t you agree?
Image: gentle waves at a cloudy beach with the words “Underestimating people is easy” written on it.